Monday, 3 April 2017

It's been a while...

Arohamai whanau.

It's been a long while since my blog post.

Since then, I've started again on my reo Māori journey at Te Wānanga o Aotearoa studying Te Aupikitanga ki te reo Kairangi - a Level 6 Diploma in te reo Māori.

Since then, I've dealt with several issues from students and have been working on finding positive and achievable solutions with them.

Since then, I've been working on focussing on the students in my class and not over exerting myself. This seems to look like I'm not participating much of giving of myself... but truly, I am just redirecting my energies into being the best classroom teacher possible. Perhaps after today's ICT sessions with my colleagues I might get back on that particular waka.

Since then, I have bought a himalayan salt lamp and it has done absolute wonders for my sleeping and breathing clean air at home. Next - to buy one for school.

Since my last blog post, we've moved into our new classroom! All done up, refurbished and looking incredibly beautiful. Weird way to describe a classroom but it truly is. And what's more we are all really appreciating the environment we now have. Despite one student with his inappropriate use of a wire and the multiplug... and another student dropping chewing gum into the new carpet today as well as a broken pen... which with the help of an icepack and sanitiser gel... we managed to get both out as much as possible.

Since then, I've taken our Heights Pasifika roopu to our community festival and begun to make plans to build up Heights Pasifika at our kura.

Since that blog post... I've stepped into the role as Bay of Plenty Regional Chairperson for PPTA.

Since that blog post, I've redirected my social life into Young and Local - a group of truly positive and supportive young people here in Rotorua.

Since that post, my grandmother (Dad's mum) had a second amputation and even with all her morbid humour, I still can't quite say with jest that she is now legless. She is doing well. No news is good news at least.

Since that last blog post, I have been warrior, mum, aunty, sister, student, friend and support person to a lot of people. It can be quite draining.

I must remember to focus on what is most important, self-care, my health and prioritising my students learning over the learning of my colleagues. Who... at the end of the day have begun to seek me out now that I've stopped offering my help so much.

Mia and Zo are doing well too :)

Friday, 17 February 2017

A Week on from All in Day

A week on and I can't say much just yet. But what I will say is thank god our kids are well practiced in our safety procedures.

I've written a post elsewhere that I will share once everything has calmed down a bit more.

Just so glad our kids are okay.

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

The Importantce of Whakawhanaungātanga

Did this really cool thing today in Y11 English. This was the last of my classes to meet... and I was slightly nervous about this particular class. All bar 3 in dark blue senior shirts. Surprising how much of an attitude change in our Heights kids already!! :) Anyway - got them to write 'Whakawhanaungātanga' in the backs of their books.

We broke the phrase down into more manageable parts. Underlined whanau. Circled Ngā. Whanau = family. Whanaungā = relations. Whanaungātanga = the way we do things with relations/whanau, what is acceptable/tika. Whakawhanaungātanga = to build and create relationships.

When I heard bits of muttering I very quietly, but calmly said, "If you feel uncomfortable learning te reo Māori in an English class, just be patient, you'll see why in a minute."

I talked about the importance of whakawhanaungātanga, particularly at y11. Because not only do we have to learn to understand ourselves, but enable ourselves to relate to others, inside the classroom and outside too.

Then students shared some things about themselves with their peers in the groups they were sitting in. I got them all to stand up in a massive circle and share their name and two things about themselves with the whole class. They all did. Some quicker than others. Nearly every kid in that class mentioned their pets. Way cool. I shared some stuff too and then got them all to sit again.

From there, they began the traditional intro letter I'd had all my other English classes do.

Beginning from full whakawhanaungātanga just felt so much more right. Beautiful.

Monday, 30 January 2017

EduSpark Group - Needing to Evolve our Education System

An incredibly awesome and talented colleague of mine just messaged me on FB and added me into a group of like minded people that he's created, called EduSpark.

His video is here:

Check it out if you are interested!

After watching Campbell's video it reminded me about one of the main goals I had when I started my teaching blog- the evolution of teaching and my teaching practice. It's in the very name of my blog.

Over the past couple of years my evolution and imagination in teaching has dragged slowly. I haven't been my normal, excited, innovative self. Well, compared to when I first started teaching. But I guess with any evolution there needs to be trial and error. I've had my time for that... now I need to get back on track and refocus on evolving my practice and being a better kaiako for my students.

A good thing too as school starts tomorrow!

All holidays I actually did no schoolwork. If you're an avid fan of this blog, a reader or know about me - you'll know that this is something that is very rare. Because I don't often put myself first. My last blog post shared this frustration, partly because at this point in my life, after the trial and errors of the past two or so years, I've been fortunate to see success. It hasn't always happened with me and my future which is still something I'm working towards, however the search remains a constant and one that many teachers are searching for. That sweet spot where we feel truly passionate, empowered and confident.

After these holidays, I am quite relaxed. I've had time to destress and really focus on me and my own health. I've spent moments of time with my family to varying degrees of success. I've read books in the sun, by the lake, in bed, on the couch! I've watched A LOT of Netflix and movies. I've played with Mia and Zo. I've done a bunch of DIY at home. I've got back into my creative side and remembered what's truly important.

With 12 hours to go before I step foot back in at school, I'm nervous, excited and hopeful. I truly look forward to an incredible year.

With all that comes EduSpark, the regenerative spark to reignite my passion, excitement and hope to help evolve our education system. Together, we stand a chance to make true and lasting, positive change.

Thanks Campbell :)

Thursday, 5 January 2017

Passionate Teacher?

This morning I woke up after a terrible sleep, half missing my sister who I'd dropped off yesterday and half feeling terrible vibes perhaps as a result of seeing mum or having mum here a few days ago, and rushed outside to take the rubbish and recycling out.

I was more grumpy than normal, seeing as recycling used to be my favourite thing about living here in Rotorua. Our recycling centre was simply outstanding. Now we have bins. Not as satisfying doing the sorting, yet still helpful to the environment.

Grumpy I guess because I'd been woken up by a pretty horrendous dream where my mum had put lots of new things I'd bought into the rubbish bin and my old friends from university that I don't talk to anymore but still would like to... helped me break into my apartment building as I'd left my keys inside, where I found a new flatmate - a korean girl - and my friends helped me sort out the stuff my mum had thrown away. Unfortunately that stuff ended up in the middle of The Warehouse and I then had to sort out that mess.

Then I woke up. To take the rubbish and recycling out.

Let me just break the dream down a bit for my sanity.

1. A reminder that mum gets too involved and treads heavy on my soul, chucks things that I'm not ready to be removed from just yet.

2. A greatful thanks to my sister for being here to help me declutter and remove objects in my house that were clogging up my brain and soul and giving me a great setting for a demo video to get onto the Hoarders tv programme...

3. A reminder to take the rubbish and recycling out before the trucks came.

4. My subconcious' way of dealing with difficult issues that I can't quite do in real life just yet. I feel like I need to have trauma counselling done before I can talk to those friends again. Mainly because they are triggers to that trauma and because they still associate with those that caused the trauma.

5. My mum still has a hold over me. I can't quite get rid of all of it until my sister is older and then she can't use it against me.

Regardless... once I'd done all that... I got an email from a friend who had been thinking of me and saw a job on Seek. Clicking the link, I saw that the MindLab is looking for a new facilitator on the West Coast near Nelson and Blenheim.

It asked for a passionate person. That was the first thing that stopped me. The second was the need for a masters and 8 years of teaching experience. Both of which I don't have. Hopefully the right person applies because it would be awesome to have the MindLab down there!!

Back to the passionate thing.

I don't know whether it's because I woke up tired, grumpy, dealing with sub-concious thoughts in my dream... but I don't know whether I'm still that passionate teacher. I struggled most of last year to find my place in a changing landscape. Hopefully this year things will be a bit more sorted and I can actually just be me. The passionate teacher I know I am... but still need more sleep. It's 8.34am for god's sake haha

Anyway... random thoughts... a very random post for now. Been a while. Hopefully this clears the 2016 juju on my blogging and I can start writing again properly.

Wednesday, 14 December 2016

End of Term: Last Day with Students and Big-Time Reflection

Today was full of mixed emotions.

It felt good to be so proud of my students and the prizewinners. Felt good to observe another kaiako working with the same students I struggled with this year. Felt good reminding myself, through his teaching why I love having the honour to be in this role.

To be so instrumental and inspirational in my students' lives. To know the power I have to help guide and mold our future generations. To be the frontline in identifying issues and helping students to make the first steps in overcoming and managing their problems.

Today I read the reflections that I'd had both junior classes write this week. The same kind of things popped up: their love for choice and group work, their love for helping to guide the learning programme and their love for my caring nature and support. On the other hand: their frustration with my lack of discipline, the noise levels created by the disrupters in class and the lack of self-management on their part and their need for more guided and structured learning.

All things that I know and try to work on each year.

However, I read one of the last reflections and realised I should have read it earlier.

This student wrote something in the answer to the question - what will you be doing in five years time? And I didn't see it til today.

If I'd taken a mere moment between the moment he'd finished typing it and the moment when he was in his next class, choosing to do something incredibly stupid - I might have been able to potentially stop it. He's okay. But we, his teachers and his peers, his whanau and his support network are incredibly concerned for him.

I've also been thinking about the peaks and valleys that has been my year this year. Big highs, big lows. Finding it difficult to keep the energy high while being pulled under by the weight of the job. Finding it difficult to keep the passion flowing with continuous setbacks and issues keeping students motivated. Struggling to keep going in spite of the incredibly awesome stuff my students have done and achieved this year.

Today I contemplated opening the letter an old friend sent me from prison earlier this year. When he'd sent it, he'd sent it to school. I found it in my pigeonhole. It felt like an electric shock when I'd turned it over to see who the sender was. Chucking it back in my pigeonhole, grabbing the arm of the Principal's PA, as I led her away from it as if it was a bomb and explaining why I reacted that way.... I still don't think I'm ready to read it. In fact I had a dream a few nights ago where I literally told him I wasn't ready yet. My subconcious gets it. The psychological trauma of that event and the underlying issues continue to plague my thoughts.

Perhaps the thought of opening it today after getting myself down about the texts I'd taught this year with my students and the impact that could have had on his overall decision... perhaps if I'd read it there and then it would have been like ripping off a plaster. But to be honest, having dealt with the fact that I know what that old friend did and that he's in prison and that he'd sent me a letter... has been enough to seriously make me rethink my love for teaching.

But at the end of the day... I'm not like him. I never will be. I may still need to get some grief and trauma counselling to truly deal with it... seeing as it seems I'm finally ready to talk about it properly...rather than just through the blank faced shock that I was in at the end of last year and beginning of this year... but I know the boundaries.

My students are amazing. I'm their support at school and often the role model for many students. They care about me and I do my best to care about them. Unfortunately, the events of that old friend has really tarnished the way I interact and engage with my students. I have kept a larger distance this year and my students have noticed that I haven't been as happy or bubbly this year. Heck, I've noticed it.

I've been searching for something else this year. Something to make me feel like myself again. Conferences haven't helped really, I was sick and/or busy with other things on my mind to fully engage. I applied for three different jobs this year. Two of which I didn't get and the last I'm still waiting on.

I'm happy at Heights though. The staff I work with are all amazing in their own way. I have a strong support network that wraps around me when I need. But I have to remember to ask for help when I'm struggling, to help lighten the load or discuss what I'm feeling.

Our students are crazy incredible. Students would be awesome wherever, for sure. But at Heights, they're something special.

I gave out certificates and hand written post cards to each one of my junior students. I gave small thankyou presents to a select few who had truly pushed themselves this year.

In return, I recieved happy, thankful students. One class of which who spent the weekend desiging me a certificate, a board of thankyou notes, chocolates, gifts and thankyou smiles and hugs. My other class were kind of quietly blown away and all took their certificates home. Which  said something really powerful and respectful, particularly for those who need to put more effort into their learning next year.

I still have a handful to give out, post or drop off at people's homes. But I'm just thankful to have been part of these students' lives this year.

Whatever comes my way - I'm just thankful that I have people backing me, supporting me and helping to guide me further. I just must remember to look back and see them there pushing me forward. Because, as always I stand on the shoulders of giants and am proud to have come as far as I have. Thankful to those who have always been there for me and thankful to those yet to begin being part of my life.

Ngā mihi nunui ki a koutou katoa.

Thursday, 1 December 2016

Self-Care and Pacing Ourselves

After a particularly stressful day today, tired after Crystel's prizegiving (pics and vids to come), sorting out last minute assessments by seniors, refocussing my social studies class and helping them focus in prep for their goal setting day next week, many many reports to write, kai in the staffroom, indepth creative writing sessions for junior English students with the Game of Awesome cards and the new game they made yesterday, discussions on next steps, discussions on goals.... we had a particularly good first meeting with some seriously knackered and hopeful people to start a Health and Wellbeing group at school.

Initially I wasn't going to go because I was just so tired. Workload made it feel impossible to find a few more minutes for something that would be actually beneficial. I dragged myself over to the meeting spot and sat down, reluctantly.

And then our DP gave us a slimmed down Term 1 Heights version of Dr Ian Vickers 'The Good New Habits' book. It all came rushing back. His korero at the NETs conference last year. The way in which we need to self-care more often. How we need to take time to look after ourselves and our well being.

After a day like today, after weeks, months of looking after others, I finally said no to a school activity tonight. It was above and beyond something I normally would have dropped everything to go to. But tonight - I just couldn't.

After the energising korero with the new Good Habits crew, I wish we'd started something like this a long time ago. Really looking forward to next year. Identifying solutions to make obstacles more manageable is definitely my A Game.

Still, after the meeting I walked ever slowly away from school, forgetting that an energising convo really only lifts the spirits, not the energy you actually have inside. So to home I went.


Feel better now but still gutted I chose not to attend the school performance. But for now, self-care.

If I'm in this teaching game for the long run, I need to pace myself. Got the message loud and clear last night from my amazing kaiako still at MColl. Pace and longevity, despite the wrinkles.

We've got this. Not long to go now.

Need to enjoy time with our students, not regret time spent not doing other things.